I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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