Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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