We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
