I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
