My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I see more hoeing in ur future
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