the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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