You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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