Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
