tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know her cup size but not her name....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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