3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My dick has a subreddit
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
