If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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