It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Lo siento on account of my penis...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
