Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
