she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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