Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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