Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
