do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
