if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize