even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
