I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
