How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
please come you make the beer taste better
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
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Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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