and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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