i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
