false alarm. still invincible.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
