I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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