how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
