it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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