Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
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Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
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I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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