did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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