How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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