I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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