Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
