I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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