On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
