i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
