If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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