you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize