I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
