So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
