Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
