When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
