I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
