So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
