Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
