He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
