You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize