I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
