he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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