Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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