Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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