I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
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All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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