There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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