I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
