I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am available for nakedness
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
