my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
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