does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
