So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
