There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
