I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
