It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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