You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
