my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
