Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
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