Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
