he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
