I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
