And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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