Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
