for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
