I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
this is an emotional support booty call
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
