Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
