I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
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My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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